My little sister, who art in heaven

Time is a very weird thing. Plotted, it’s often x displaying variable y over it.

Yet, at this moment I do not believe that we can move forward in time, in fact, it might be the one thing we cannot do.

At every moment of reality, we have a partial view of it. In that moment we choose (or have chosen the possibility of,) the given course of events. In those moments, the ones we execute rather than ride the momentum created or created for us, we envision reality and make our best step forward. The resulting moments to some degree we collect new information and process feelings experienced preparing as best we can for the next moments of choice. Being in motion is an easy way to experience this.

Other times when we pause and think of the past, our personal recreation of it or otherwise use our imagination to some extent and focus on anything other than the present moment, we are not holding time still. Rather we fall turns behind whatever plagues us as the world moves forward with its spin and axises.

Other people (“They made them in Their image?” would be ccc true, correct?) moving through life do the same thing of course. Some moments are shared with others. At every shared moment of reality they also only have a unique and partial view of it. Similar, disparate and all points of view between exist, depending on the moment. For most moments, we experience them and move on, the vast majority will not even enter the accessible regions of our own memory.

To shorten this, I have to get to the hence, I can fill in the rest later if anyone asks.

Hence, we’re all moving sideways in two or sometimes more dimensions of choices we make, however this entire system of humanity as we know it is in total moving forward in what we call time. Some paths stay together for lifetimes and some only cross for a moment. Another way to say, time is what happens when we’re busy living life.

From an “outside” perspective one might see a flock of birds. The flock seeks to stick together, birds lost may appear on their own to find their way back. In the greatest picture, it is easy to see the flock as whole always seems to circle back, for the flock is stronger for the more birds it continues to add.

Interestingly though, at no moment may any bird move forward. It’s momentum at any singular moment will ensure it be somewhere else at the next moment of time. These momentums may come in many forms, those of the physical, natural, and social worlds, and all events those things entail, and most importantly the individual choices each bird makes as it seeks its truth- the best path forward (since actual forward in time is impossible.)

(One might also envision a boat unable to sail into a head wind, rather it tacts port and starboard. Or even a mountain climber always encountering an obstacle to a straight path up a hill, such as the inherent steepness of the climb, switchbacking left and right; also, that climber always has more choices of directions downward rather that upwards towards the narrowed peak.)

Further the way we individually perceive even the axises of motion, seen and unseen, much less the motions of other people (Made by Them,) though our individual concept of that present moment of reality though our own singular point of view (and others we’ve managed to collect,) as they traverse whatever axises may actually exist.

Another way to say perhaps, that whatever you think and feel, especially if experienced from a unique (more disparate, as opposed to more within a standard distribution,) perspective to see enough and in your own opinion the ‘whole’ story of any event, may either be completely correct or completely wrong. Depending if you were unaware of outside events, perhaps de facto making your version incorrect.

An example:

In my mind a model skydiver, also an Instructor, earned his AFFI rating with me, the first time in 2011 whom is also (at the time,) was already proficient freeflyer, videographer and TI. He had fives or six times my number of jumps at the time, and he had more struggle in the flying portions of the class and I needed his help getting through my grounds.

I know his Instructor voice too, “Jeromy, shut the fuck up and read from the book.” In a unique way, his Instructor voice is first in my mind, my first brother AFFI voice, let’s call him Adam.

At some point probably that same summer an organizer asked him to come video a big belly way we’d been working on all day. Off on the camera step, no one told him what to do and he soared around us with grace from the moment of exit.

His skill was true and as the formation came together he went in for his best view, from his back looking up. Six to eight feet below, slowly rotating, a perfect camera angle. We were not doing well and after that shot he went back to top ready for his center pull spot just in time to watch us break away and then get ready for his swoop.

I could fly my belly well and I could see the issue we had, so I was anxiously awaiting this debrief. Already on the ground well before us, I landed with the latter part of our crowd. I came nearby just in time for Adam to tell the organizer (and I’m about 98% sure it was Dale,) how much we sucked.

Adam had a unique point of view that ended up being completely wrong. Somewhat unrelated, Dale (if that was actually him,) also has unique place in my mind as an Organizer voice, part of which I learned that day!

So, is it just me or is everyone able to follow when I jump around? Let’s work on that story from a while ago, when Cain killed Abel. Just the short version that I “made up” though:

Two brothers in competition, one killed the other.

Let’s add a new character to the story, Adam, the name of my first brother AFFI. (Ha! Does this make Brenda a previous “Eve” in my story!! idk, silly thought.) Many other Instructors have become my brothers since, including many that were ahead of me. Yet, as I explained before, his voice takes a weird, second first position. For anyone that followed the link or already knows the other story I borrowed characters from, you must remember I’m borrowing the names, I am not quoting or referencing any other stories here.

With all the typing I’ve been doing, I’ve also been reading a bit and need to read a bit more (I recently found my stack of books to read.) I’ve also googled a bit about writing. Random things, the length of a novel, the number of words in a book, the most books written by an author. The longest books and the shortest stories.

“Stories”, what does that entail? How about a short sentence? “Bob cried.” That sounds like a real human story.

Somehow, knowing that bob cried just isn’t enough, it’s a detail and an important one. However, that single sentence just can’t be a good story in the common way we understand them. So many questions and just one answer, one detail alone for most, just isn’t enough. We’re human, we want to know why! The detail may be true yet let by itself, the next author could pick it up and include it any which way.

Perhaps a complete story, no matter how short, must include enough details to try to answer a question? Or enough detail to validate more added details? Yeah, a strong enough story to exclude things that don’t fit.

Hmm, that might be right, what else would be point of story and have it not be a poem or a riddle? Let’s add another line to my story and we’ll leave it at that for tonight- I have other nice stories to tell today!

Two brothers in competition, one killed the other.
Adam lost two sons that day.

Wow! That might be a whole story right here. Three characters, multi-level family relations, three unique views of the same drama, so many sides to take! I could just imagine what the story could become, expanding on the story from scratch right there. The spinoffs could go on forever. With still nearly no details given, there is already so much we can begin to guess… like, which character might feel guilt?

Okay, onward to today!

Today was good, great really. Six years ago today, my littlest sister, Allie as I always called her, went to heaven. That was a very sad day for everyone still here on Earth, most especially the people that knew her even a little. For the vast majority and nearing all people, the better a person knew her, the sadder they were that day and in the weeks, months, and years that followed.

Some of us, somehow the group the really knew her best, our family and her close friends, though so deeply sad that day have come to find her influence in our lives from her new position in the world. Among the occupants of her new home, she has face to face meetings with Jesus Christ and Mary the Mother of God on a regular basis.

She having already been through Purgatory, the gateway to Heaven, she has been cleansed of everything she ever did wrong, now remaining forever as an emblem of Love, in our memories and in our hearts. Her love, whether we feel it everyday, in the rays of an early sunrise, or even in the lyrical beats of our words- those times you catch yourself quoting her. It’s okay, you’re worth it too!

Her friends gather annually as much as each one can- they have all now grown and multiplied! Today I was graced to join them and did my best to carry on our conversations. I kept wanting to sit back- and I did get that chance for a good part- and just watch them all play, the mothers and their children. Squinting my eyes just a little bit more, I could almost imagine one of them a brunette.

Imagining an earthly future of woman taken too young, both saddens me and brings me a simultaneous great joy. Allie may have never experienced that unique love as a parent, the gateway to a unique understanding of how the world works (sometimes, you do just have to say “Because I said so!”) However, she experienced and shared so much love in her life here to well inform her choices and her choices ended with her current home.

We are all so deeply sorrowed to not spend our time with her in the same ways anymore, yet so joyful when we find new ways to explore our memories of her and to still learn so much more about her. One day I hope to meet her again, her then first ahead of me. One more reason I have to do my best each and every day that I have that chance.

I can’t find a safe spot and hold still, that just really doesn’t work. We have to keep moving down our line of choice, staying with the crowd and admitting when we’re wrong, or standing our ground and leading the rest back around, and always trying to keep everyone moving to the next safer square. Good choices lead to more choices, bad choices lead to less choices.

Just shy of 2k for the night, and it’s only 10:00! I am getting faster (ha, when I start early…) or I could be wrong.

Time to rest.