I didn’t write last night, perhaps I’ve lost the habit. Maybe, I’ve lost the last for it. It’s the openness that seems to bother me at the moment. Not exactly a fishbowl feeling, rather just the openness of any expression in time. How will it be perceived, by another or myself whenever I read it again?
It’s hard to describe the feeling of wholeness, to be a symmetric being with full bilateral function. To have a continual awareness of where all of my parts are in relation to myself. To be able to feel and pulse a muscle, then push it slowly and precisely with conscious, or subconsciously.
I woke sore, yet early and feeling well. Out of bed by seven thirty to take my pills. The nerve pill seems to be working. That is, I can feel it’s working on the right part. Unbearable pain has changed into a bearable form of constant yet rhythmically dancing pins and needles and bursts of lightning bolts shooting up from the soles of my feet, as I take each step and my body uses different threads of my muscles to balance my foot and leg.
Today, it performed. Could be the best day yet. After tea and playtime with Soulless, I wanted to finish what I started yesterday. I had gone to Lowes and found 3′ x 4′ portable interlocking fence panels coupled with match 5′ stakes to put them in place. Yesterday I got four of them and used three to seal off the south side of the yard, just behind the side door.
That alone worked pretty well, as the backyard was nearly impassable in its now two summers overgrown state. However, as a curious dog is apt to do, Soulless has found his way his way through the jungle (from his vantage point,) on one adventure after another to the backyard. Today, I wanted to start the process of clearing the backyard.
To begin it was a hunt for buried treasure. A month before my incident I had come to the aide of a fellow retiring ham and a personal friend (and now Saint,) and in doing so I was gifted a wide selection of multi-element two meter beam antennas. Placed gracefully in the side yard at the time, they were covered with snow as I travelled to Florida, then were moved to the back yard by my boys while I was stuck in the hospital there, in preparation for the wheelchair ramp to be installed.
Now, they were being reclaimed into the Earth. Before I used a machete on the side yard, it was the best I could do to knock it down enough for the mower. Walking to the back, I surveyed the task and began to attack it with my hand. The old fashioned way to clear grass- bend over and pluck it. Before long, my left arm joined in and I began true bilateral action for the first time in since my last skydive.
Four antennas, one an HF tri-bander with its accompanying masts- easily over 100 lbs of aluminum and steel- all carried and organized in the front yard. Cleared the backyard by hand, separated an bagged the garbage (a full yellow bag,) and mowed it down. That was all done by 1pm or so- parts of it hurt so bad. I’m starting to get used to the lightning bursts and I was most impressed that my brain has resumed automatic control of my foot placement.
Altogether, I spent probably three hours and was worth as much as any manual laborer, I just grunted a bit more maybe. Took another trip to Lowes for three more fence sections and I sealed off the rear yard just on the north side of the laundry room. Really, it’s not much space- eight feet wide by thirty feet long- yet plenty enough for his pooping ground. I’ll likely only go in that corner of yard (centered around the back laundry room door,) to rake of his shit.
Installed the fence and grabbed the rake and finished cleaning the yard. All around the house I hand cleared the grass and weeds (haven’t had the weed whip running in years,) then raked and dispose of everything. Last week, while on the Oxy still, I had cleaned the red brick sidewalk- it was so bad last month it look like just plain dirt and grass beaten down into a path- no hint of the hidden brick.
Going around outside I could see a dozen projects I want to do and felt myself making a mental list. Things have changed and are changing fast, now, I can do things and every day I can do things better.
I finally sent emails to my professors. I’m behind on some assignments and haven’t been in class in two weeks, half had email me with concern. Need to maintain that. Received the first disbursement for my Federal Aide a few days ago. Disaster averted, for the moment. Now, I must complete this semester so I can re-up with another $4700 in January.
I feel worked, I feel whole, I feel bilateral. Again.
Time to rest.