I am no Angel… or Antelope.

Angel? No, I’m higher than that, much higher. They are cute little things when both they and I behave, some are even most helpful. Kind of like a dog (or cat, if you go that way) that came genetically pre-engineered with it’s traits designed for your personal tastes and requirements – your own invisible Lassie (except, not a dog- even they have family.)

Depending on which one you might encounter- and that is darn thing about angels, each and every one an orphan, doomed to never look an equal in the eye, as they cannot mate nor have children, they were not born, do not grow and will not die. They are angels, lonely things really.

Thank God, I am not an angel and I can prove it. I was born of parents, I have fathered sons and I will die. For the love of whatever is important to you, when I do die. Please do not say, that I was a great guy so now we have another tiger in heaven.

Or antelope, please not another antelope in heaven (I have a feeling there is already exactly how many there as need to be there.) I do not want to be doomed to run for eternity as if there is supposed to be some joy in it, I am no antelope.

If that’s how you think I ended up.. you know, when my end is up, please call me what I am and hope to be, a human in heaven. Basically, to shorten this story, those angels (ahh, maybe a third or so of them at least,) are kinda pissed about the benefits and comp we get up there for having to exist this way down here, human.

It’s like we all get a handicap score for having to put up with (well, YOU know exactly what it’s like to be human.. and you know, all those other humans,) so we get to be treated like we own the place. Really, if you calculate the odds, it’s obvious there has got to be a good payout. The good little angels are there too, bringing us coffee, flying the plane (in Heaven, pilots can skydive on every load) and basically doing all the badass shit they’ve been doing for us down here (except that ‘invisible’ limit is gone.)

When I die, please God, call me home. If you think I beat the odds while playing a few cards shy of a full deck, I will have earned the title: Saint Jeromy (a human in Heaven, called by name and title.)  A patron of emancipated minors, skydivers, and prospectors.