Well, let’s see, I’ve been back in Michigan for two months. Yes, living in a house is a lot easier than living in my car, and that is good and bad. Good that well, things are easier, there were some days over the winter that were just too hard.
Of course, now it almost feels too easy. I can get around in here plenty well enough and I don’t know if “easy” is the best environment for me to be pushing my body as hard as I can. I haven’t been sleeping well, and I have so much nervous energy right now, my heart feels like it’s racing and my mind is just sludge.
Whatever my ‘TBI’ did, it made me a lot more me- and that has got a lot of good and bad in it. More OCD, more ADHD, more depressed, more high.. I used to think I was always a bit ‘sensitive’, able empathize with another feelings; now it’s like I can’t turn off how those other feelings, affect my own.
Facts, faith, feelings and fiction. Everything I write is in one of those classes and honestly, I don’t care what I type. I do care that I properly classify everything. It matters to me that I can tell the difference between fact and fiction, yet most people only seem to judge the same situation based on their feelings. Which, okay I can understand if a person feels one way or not, yet those are not facts.
It is a fact that I am typing right now, I have faith that I can make today a great day, I feel that people antagonize my failure when I get close to success, and I could probably make up anything to justify the first three.
Although I care about the differences here, what is a reader to think? To be entertained? I don’t care (okay, I like to see the traffic graphs.) To hopefully see the “crazy” shit I typed one night, somehow makes sense if they follow along for a few days.
I suppose now, I should have started posting here the very first day I wrote back in November, I like being able to show what I said when. I’ll probably never get around to organizing and posting all the screenshots, yet there have been tons the last few days.
All of my posts on the USFunJumper group I’ve copied to pages here, so anyone will know what I said, the truths that won’t change. I also have screenshots to show the evolution of the discussion over the course of a week. At first were the “WTF” responses, then we got that out of the way, eventually grew another post, a small group trying to help me.
Well, talking about it at least- not one has reached out to me. There are dozens of threads that I’m not sure if I followed them all up, and at this point, I can’t care. I’ve got to focus on me. In thousands of skydivers, it was nice to see a few that legitimately were trying to help. From the group though, four or five.. well, some I think really have read and tried to absorb.
Priorities.. okay, this is the first go at a take off list post. What was next on my list? Alaska.. I wonder how Kent is doing there, I wonder if he has found much gold yet. Before I can leave to go to Alaska…..
- Figure out income to page the mortgage/utilities
- Figure out this Comcast/Xfinity/AT&T internet/cellphone issues.
- Finish and send the prosecutor reports.
- Publish my first book (technically, the second that I’ve written.)
- Finish the medical diagnosis and surgeries.
Okay, that is enough… clear my mind.. I am a calm and patient person.. those that want to follow my story, will. Those that want to help, will.
Time to go.