Awake early as usual- and more awake. Not right away, but I woke up more than I did yesterday. What does that mean? Well this is now two, or is it three days off from two psychoactive drugs. Good drugs- from a doctor. One for an ‘adjustment disorder’ and pain, the other for ADHD. I wish I would have started writing daily months earlier, even writing consistently weekly from the beginning would have been nice. In any case, here we are. Drugs are nice, yet perhaps they shouldn’t be forever.
I felt really down this morning- well, not any more down about my circumstances than I have been, yet I felt more aware of them. More awake. It probably didn’t help that my inbox contained- well, in a way it was a nice thing, a reply at least- a rejection letter for one of the positions I had applied for. I’m not sure how I might have fared as an executive assistant, yet now we’ll never know. I mulled that over while I ate breakfast. It was nice to receive a rejection reply from their HR department as all my other applications have just disappeared into the vortex.
In a way, this is certainly a new beginning- how did I get a job the first time? Walking around Brooklyn with.. I can see an image, a brown haired boy like me, a friend. I’m not sure who it was. In any case we spend two or three days walking into every business in town and filling out and application at every single one. Worst they could say was no. I think we skipped the bank and the bar, though that was about it. Hometown Pizza ended up being my first official employer, starting a month before I turned sixteen.
Twenty nine years? Is that right? That can’t possibly be right.. hmm, I’m forty four, then I was fifteen.. okay, I suppose that’s right. Give or take a week or two, I’ve now been part of the workforce for twenty nine years. Well, technically, let’s say I first became part of the workforce twenty nine years ago- there have been some gaps. So I suppose it’s like how some guys do Tinder (or real life for that matter,) and just swipe right on every single photo. Just a numbers game. Eventually, if I turn in enough applications, someone might hire me.
Seems like I’ve touched on a few things I want to keep writing about so far, 1) my day and waking up 2) lack of doctor drugs 3) workplace issues.. Okay, breathe, it seems I have to think about this orderly array of information, slow it down, sort it out and lay it down in a somewhat linear fashion.. that’s how sentences work- I can do this.
So the day was dull- haven’t they all been lately? The doctor drugs (Duloxetine and VyVance,) seem to keep me content and moving. Both are really good things. Yet, both should be a result of my own momentum. Yet, I lost all of my momentum a year or so ago didn’t I. Stopped dead in my tracks. Now to restart again. I mean, I could get more of the drugs to feel content.. or I could use my lack of contentness to motivate myself to produce the necessary results myself.
Today I was determined to go shopping, it was getting off the list today. Driving over to Kroger and walking through the store with a cart was good as always- really lets me focus on stretching out my leg as I step. As usually, it’s hard to get through Kroger (or anywhere) without seeing someone (to reinforce my paranoia- wait, is it still paranoia if I’m right? that someone is always watching me limp around,) that I know. It was Joe from the BZB, good to see him again so soon.
Back home I was able to ‘one-trip’ the groceries and get them mostly put away before I dug into a salad- I was starving, odd as I did not miss breakfast. Usually, half way through I wonder if I can finish the whole salad. This one was one of the larger ‘family-size’ salads and I never even slowed down.
With that ‘full belly’ tired coming on, I really didn’t want to take another nap, that really is so unusually for me- lately at least. Yet I just couldn’t get comfortable in the chair so I laid down on my floor. I really is very comfortable to get flat- other than now a few spots on my back where I can feel the metal hitting the ground. Rolling this way and that, stretching and contorting as I do, my phone rang.
I’ve been called for an interview. A local credit union that is hiring for their IT department. Excited, I finished the call and added the appointment to my calendar. Friday at one pm.
A meeting with perhaps my future supervisors. Them looking to hire, my role to convince them to hire me. Just a bit of salesmanship. Like knocking on a door, or diving through one. I’m here because I’m what you want. Even if you’re not sure, let me sooth your concerns. Is it too bravado to know they’ll offer me the role? Three decades of IT experience applying for a support assistant role? The biggest reason for them to say no- for anyone to not want to hire me, would be my name, my history. Not ever role would be right for an ex-council member.
I wouldn’t be able to ‘network’ the same way I used to- and honestly, I don’t want to. I did leave the Jackson I was in- and I am in a new Jackson now. I’ve had standing offers for years to go to an old competitor of mine- they’d pay me my wage and outsource me across the county. To me, I know I’d sooner or later be put into a position to bite my lip or lose my job. As my lip ring was not returned after my incident, I’m not very good at biting my lip anymore.
So in any case, being “Jeromy Alexander” (or this website, by extension) is a reason I think my resume may not get me a call back from some prospective employers, yet the experience and knowledge that being “Jeromy Alexander” (and this website, by extension,) is also the reason that I do believe I will get the right call backs, and the right interview, and the right opportunity. Because, I am “Jeromy Alexander” and there just isn’t anyone else I could be.
Okay I think I covered all the topics, one, two, and three. I had skipped the afternoon nap, yet by evening it was over. Three hour in my chair and I’m still tired. Started writing kind of earlier, it’s eleven eleven now. Sleep up by thirty or forty percent and resting heart rate is down by four beats per minute and dropping the last few days. I think this is just an adjustment to a normal biochemistry. Suppose I’ll have my log to look back at when I need to, yet I think I’m going to plan to stay off the (dr) drugs for a month or so. See how that feels.
Okay, dull day, yet super excited to have an interview. Ahh, to put on slacks and a tie.
Ahh, the photo. A photo from a friend who is currently camping in Alaska. Glad I’m in Michigan..
Time to rest.
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