This was my third evaluation at this PT place and the first one that I feel I was truly present. The first time I was sober, no painkillers now in now eight months. Also this is the most aware I’ve been of my condition.

Dehumanizing, that was the word I used to today while talking to the therapist at the PT place. See, PT does not stand for personal trainer, so far in the entire hospital and aftercare system, not one thing yet has been personal.

Why would it be? That’s easy for me to say now, before though, of course that’s the way it would be. With time to think, it could be no other way. Gotta make the money. The logic is pretty simple I guess, but really, not worth the story.

The first time I was at this PT place, actually both times, May and August, I still had an undiagosed ankle issues and my left hip was dislocated. Of course walking hurt, for as little as I could move in May. Painful grinding in my hip and I could not swing my knee forward, my leg could only move in a large arc, as I lifted my hip and swung it around. With the drugs and the will, well no. Less will, more necessity to move to eat and defecate on a regular basis.

Getting ready to publish the book, reading over the years posts. There is really so little I shared on the personal/pain side of things. Plenty of updates on progress, for as little as I achieved- marking the milestones was important. So many stories and some I don’t want to go back there and tell. I suppose the worst pain story, outside of Florida, was in the middle of May.


Today was good. Woke up at came downstairs for a smoke (oh, did I mention, I did refill my tobacco jar,) and to watch a bit of TV before I had to get ready for PT at ten. Then jumped in the shower (no, no I didn’t,) and it feels good- human even -to be clean every day.

And the opposite was true too. It actually felt very human to be dirty every day after you get used to it. Ugh. Everything had been going well until I got to Jal, New Mexico. A plan to stop for a night at a free RV park, somehow turned into over a week- almost much more. I was spoiled in the Texas State Parks with everything provided. A few nights of primitive camping by then and I thought I was ready for the desert. The timing didn’t hurt, that first day in New Mexico was the one-year anniversary of getting released from the hospital in Florida.

Eventually, I made it to the Carlsbad Caverns, my second after Mammoth Caves. I wish I could have spent more time in there, except I just did right now. Then up to Brantley Lake State Park, now that might sound nice, yet I was staying down in the Rocky Bay, the free primitive site. I’ve done a few things for forty days before, a few serious benders that aren’t worth the time to list. Past that (thank God,) I once went to Mass forty days straight. I can’t remember the occasion right now, or even what season of the year it was.

The desert, I remember that- forty days for Lent – well, give or take a week or so, who knows what the right Calendar is anyway. I need to get back on the road soon I think, first, we’ll see where the PT goes, this morning was good, a few new stretches learned, for what I’m working on right now, my left ankle and foot. Walking has gotten much better in just the last few days- all it took was adding an insert into my left shoe, it’s almost just a touch too thick, so I hope it wears down just a bit. My left hip still feels “off”, I’m hoping that goes back to normal after I get my hip bolts out.

I went for a mile walk and it felt like a really good pace and it was still over thirty seconds over my PR. Having the extra length on my left leg makes a ton of difference as my foot doesn’t slam down on every step. The timing was perfect and I got to see a part of our city’s wildlife.

I also got a few old blog pages back onto the site today a collection of jumps from August of 2009. I really want to get the GoPro post on, yet it would be so wrong to enter them out of order. Tomorrow.

Time to rest.

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