Gap year

That’s two weeks with no take off list. I’ve known all day that it was Monday, it seems I have become slightly more calendar aware lately. However, the slight recognition of the day gave no help to remembering to wake up and make an extra post this morning. Last week, I remember thinking about the post all day, then not writing it. By Tuesday, I didn’t think about it at all, though it sure seems like I’m about to now. Hmm.. I’m not sure other than it would appear I have no plans to take off.

Hm. Well, now that I type that.. ahh, well, it makes that real. No gas to travel unless I wanted to cross the country selling plasma to buy fuel. What a trade off, one fluid for another. I probably shouldn’t say that, as I say it in jest, yet I’m sure somewhere someone has done just that. Probably not a good idea to follow that thought process much longer as I’ve already found my line! LOL, if anyone ever says I couldn’t sell my body for money, I’ll tell them I could sell plasma.

Anyway, slept in a bit again today, up at at eight. Maybe that is the new normal?

Snow. Snow this weekend and seventies next week. That’s what they just said on the news. I tell you, the false spring a few weeks ago is probably why I didn’t end up stuck in New Mexico. I’d been watching the weather in Jackson (and about nine other cities in my app.) All through March there was no way I was stepping back into this State and it’s state of snow. Cold and wet. Snow and rain, icy wintery mix. Nah, I couldn’t handle it. Even now still the temperatures are enough to seize my leg when I’m walking outside. Then again, even a cool wind on nice day in the desert can do that..

Oh well, a few flakes in the air in the morning. I’m sure it won’t interrupt my intensive morning walk routine. Ha, I was sitting in my chair earlier and heard the wind pickup it’s whistling noise as it whipped though the items on my porch. My head turned to the sound as I thought “Oh, it’s windy.” Ha, then I truly laughed for amount as I recalled what wind is.  Then I looked around me and saw I was not in a tarp tent. This was not bending and whipping with the wind. I did not need to go outside to tighten down guy ropes or add support to this structure. The ‘wind’ was not going to affect my ability to eat, sleep, or be merry.

Of course, staying is hard. This house has rules. I’ve told them to my sons more than enough times (not that I needed to at all, both couldn’t get out of here soon enough.) If you’re going to live in this house, you’re going to work or go to school.

Hm. I don’t want anyone to think I type continuously in these posts, and although I do backspace as needed typographically, I try not to use it much to edit back my own stream of thoughts. Sometimes I like to see where it goes and sometimes once it gets there, I stop typing and THINK. Putting words on paper forces me go to back to the sentence before, the paragraph before (or the day and week,) and read what I’ve written as I try to figure out how I’m possibly going to finish a sentence capable of following it’s predecessor.

Work or go to school. Or both. I am available days. Or nights or weekends, but maybe not the summer if I get gas money to Alaska? I don’t know what I’m going to do in the next day or week much less a month from now. Which, honestly is kinda sad for my age. Almost forty five. I’m pretty sure I can check off the “mid life crisis” on my playcard. Oh, just that homeless roadtrip from the gulf through the desert and into the mountains. Everyone does that. No I think everyone (okay, yes I am perfectly aware of the huge and multifaceted bell curve that certainly means a word like ‘everyone’ cannot possibly apply, hence meaning the subset within that I compare myself to) has a better idea of what they’ll be doing next week than I do.

When I was still in the desert. Ahh.. I don’t backspace, but do I ever pause.  And sometimes I change my mind about what I was going to type next. The sentence doesn’t go way, yet the thought exposed follows a slightly different path. I looked up the date for the next semester start at Jackson College. May eight. Next Monday. I also happened to see my pell grant balance of six six hundred. And last I knew the state program was still in affect offering free college to any resident over twenty six without a degree.

School. I don’t know, it almost makes sense. Right before I was leaving, one of my cousins questioned me directly, a family ‘check-in’ I think she said, to make sure I was okay. As always (even now, with many months of practice,) sentences came out in my response to answer a question without me thinking about the words they had included. Thinking of it now, I recall of course saying I was okay (default response,) and calling it a “gap year” of sorts. Well, what follows the gap?

Maybe I could say I’m doing it for content. It would certainly give me something to write about- if I had the time past homework. It would get me out of the house and around new people- a bunch of my son’s classmates that just graduated last year. There are online courses too. I’ve done this before though. This would be my third iteration of college. The last time was ten years ago- Facebook reminded me. A math and logic course one semester that went well, then two more classes the next semester. Then work picked up- and I seem to recall dropping out those two classes.

Dropping out, I’ve done that before. Drop out, go elsewhere, start again, repeat.  Ugh, that was less than positive. Oh well, I want a degree. I’m here, I should sign up for classes.  Okay, classes for what?

Okay, let’s just talk about today. The last few days my leg activity has really been up. I think it’s being inside for this long. Although sitting in my comfy chair was nice for a week- especially after the last four months! It’s just not a pace that my metabolism can handle long term. Yesterday I stopped taking breaks from sitting by getting up to do a chore and instead tried to stay standing and took breaks by sitting in the chair.

Last night after my post, the last walk up the steps was hard and I did not die. So today I followed up taking almost no sitting breaks at all. From when I got out of my bed in the morning until eight pm I did not sit other than in my car for the errands I (tried to) run. Whether I was working on something, stretching, walking, or even just trying to stand straight and still (more stretching of my knees and work on my balance) anything but sitting down- unless for a purpose. Wouldn’t you know, I ate better too. Hmm, a bowl of cereal was great reason to sit down for a minute. How about lunch.

And I kept busy. The standup desk is all but finished, just needs a few more fasteners. Then I’ll have a workstation, a true station for work to be done. Standup height, the keyboard at a perfect position a forty two inch monitor just thirty inches from my eyes. A combination engineered by myself to provide the amount of visual information a person’s eye can absorb, with another twenty seven inch monitor above it for good measure connected to my local Pi. With my laptop on there to, I have all three major operating systems at my finger tips.

I need to get used to the pain of standing, of standing still so that I can let my mind work on important things. See, this typing is easy.. if I lose my train of thought, or if start better than I finish, or just finish quick to be done it’s all okay. It doesn’t need to be cohesive or complete, or even competent or qualified to be published. I don’t even need to publish anything at all. Work though, and I’ve been looking though Indeed trying to imagine where I can imagine myself, and I just don’t see a fit yet.

Do you know a job where you can stop for a few hours for a pain break?  Mind if I bring a stool in here to sit down for a while?

Today, so I I finally was able to go down to the sheriffs office and get a copy of my firearm registrations after calling last week and missing them on Friday. A quick trip with amazing service and I was back out the door in a few minutes on my way to Action Discount. I had decided to sell my twenty two compact there, as that is where I bought it and being a firearm dealer, I know they know the proper paperwork. Of course, now I’m just giving them their chance to make their profit twice on the same gun. Oh well, that is the business they are in.

But not on Mondays. Nope, closed on Sundays (good for them,) and Mondays too. So, I’ve still got both firearms for now, more than I need to carry and I’d rather have it’s value in my wallet. Tomorrow, sometimes you take a swing at a todo list item and it just chips a little but doesn’t move. I’ll just have to keep cracking at it.

Time to…

Then after breakfast and lunch today, I started getting real hungry much early than lately and started dinner at seven. This is a household favorite “dad’s spaghetti”. It is a meal unto itself, easy peasy. Box of noodles, jar of Ragu, can of diced Italian tomatoes, and pound of browned sweet Italian sausage. This is a meal I have missed. Glad I’ve got five more boxes in the cabinet (so much space.)

Time to rest.

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