I keep saying that- yet, I don’t believe it. I want other people to believe it though… so, what am I really doing? Painting a fake door next to a real door on a brick wall, then telling you to believe whichever one you can walk through first?
Maybe if I had given myself two real options in the last seventeen months- I would have already found a door I could walk through. IF TBI != wrong…
see, that. right there.. it is not about right and wrong– it should be, it can’t be– not here for this. I was wrong enough to die.
I was wrong enough to die and I had the ability to save myself.
I was wrong enough to die and I had the ability to save myself, multiple times for nearly the entire duration of my skydive.
By God’s grace, I lived and have retained at least the ability to push keys on a keyboard.
One, two, three… okay, those are some facts.. something to start with… the point here, and I need to say it before my mind wanders off somewhere, this cannot be a zero-sum game. My being right cannot mean shaggy was wrong. Shaggy being wrong does not make me right.
I am going down a hole. Someone else said so. Lets stop. How can I get a hold of myself.. well, the drugs will help and I’m going to need a system. I need to create a few pages.. the daily log gets thoughts on paper, yet that really isn’t the problem- I need some organization.
Maybe a table of contents #ShaggioWasntThere.
Holy shit, that just happened… Another thread popped up in USFunJump legitimately trying to help me, and my own older son decided he wanted to join this story. I am shocked, he just opened a set of gates that have been closed a very long time. I can’t believe that just happened on that platform.. let me see if I can figure out how to embed it.. well… i acn’t right now..
time to rest.