Untitled

Six am, no. Seven am, too early. Eight thirty? That could work. I usually I grab my phone and start the day as soon as I wake up. Almost as if I’ve forgotten how to roll over and go back to sleep. It’s somewhat pointless as I usually just lay in bed and browse my phone instead of of that extra hour or two of sleep. Even by time I did get up and shower, I was still downstairs right on schedule.

Schedule, that is something to think about. Today is Wednesday, still two days left until my interview, yet I keep looking at my calendar with a touch of anxious paranoia. Time is relative, that much is beyond debate and we know for certain some of the variables, speed and gravity. I same some, because there are other ways that time can be slowed in a relative way, such as having fun or the effects of some drugs. A month can pass as quickly as an hour, more so in some ways- look here, May is almost over.

I’m glad for the change of pace this week, it’s almost giving me a seasonal sensation. I’ve been used to the good weather all year, that is, I never really experienced winter apart from the very beginnings of it in December, then I shortcut-ed my way to spring in my journey across the country. It’s been a nice, prolonged spring- and I needed that. Now this week, it seems brighter still. I wish trying to ride my bike would have gone better yesterday.

Though a two wheel bike might be out, I know there is another variety. I really have to laugh (so I don’t cry,) as I even think of the idea, yet riding a three wheel bike would certainly give me the balance I need. Even a large basket to carry stuff too. <Shaking my head.> It seems silly, goofy even and yet so convenient. I could sit and ride, working my core without worrying about falling over. Working my legs in cycles over and over and over without over bearing them with my full weight.

So (realizing now I’m way off topic, whatever, I’ll come back to it,) I ending up looking them up online today. Facebook marketplace has some nicer ones, now used for between three and five hundred. Tomorrow I think I’ll head over to the bike shop in town and see if there are any used ones. Realistically, it is an economical purchase that could eventually pay itself off in the savings of gasoline- not to mention the health benefits of riding. Not to mention the benefits of just being outside. And this is the season, the time is now.. the miles I could put on on the next four months?

So time, it moves, it weaves and bobs up and down. Different frequencies. And you can be in a completely different time zone (relatively) than someone standing right next to you. Okay, sure, that could be a deep thought, but likely wouldn’t form much of anything cohesive, so I’ll just skip it for now I suppose. Schedule. That’s how I started, let’s go back to that. Monday through Friday, eight to five. It has been over six years since I’ve done that.  I’m happy if I shower, put on clothes, go downstairs and remember to eat before noon most days.

Of course, it’s not the lack of a regular ‘office job’ for the last six years that bothers me as much as you know, my recovery over the last sixteen months. Honestly, it’s a lack of confidence of my ability to go back to being normal. You know, normal like everyone else. To just go back into a role where stuff happens and you don’t take it personal, you just smile and pile the shit up in you inbox and churn through it until the end of the day. Then you go home with a paycheck and go get your jollies somewhere else.

I’m not sure if I’ve said that right, yet, I think I’ve said something there. In the last six years I was certainly a lot more ‘vested’ in my avocations. I put my life on the line with every skydive and politics didn’t feel much different. All social, political, and economical interests entwined might have been the best multi-tasking time optimized solution, yet it didn’t seem to work long term.

For now, a job, a JOB, a forty hour exchange of my time to move work from in to out. I can do this. Until then, I’ll do other stuff. I was going to go to Comcast today, yet first I need to get my account and transfer PIN numbers from AT&T. Should be a quick call (I hope,) to the six one one, yet it could also be an hours long wait on hold. So I added it to the whiteboard and put it off. The day has gone quickly, and my legs feeling good. The sidesteps feel very strong and I’m noticing I’m doing them a little quicker and a little more stable too.

Today I tried hopping. I’ve tried jumping- two legs up, two legs down. Today I tried to hop from one leg and land on the other. For as many times as I tried, my brain only actually let me do it once, and it hurt like heck. I might have only been half and inch airborne and I landed firmly on my left foot and although my knee wasn’t locked straight, it had no concept of the fluid motion needed to absorb even a minuscule impact. I had a dream last night, or actually this morning in the extra hour of sleep I’d gotten this morning.

When I tried riding my bike yesterday, I was in the side of my yard, right next to my car. In my dream, I was in the same place, yet without my bicycle. Instead, I was trying to run. In the dream I made two or three good strides before it faded out and I woke up. Yet, my legs have ‘felt’ good today- or maybe, I’ve just felt better about them.

Hmm.. other news, I found that Amazon accepts EBT cards. Not that they have much in the way of food, yet dry goods could be fine.. for now I just ordered three cases (chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry) of Boost. I may have to shop twice a week now for my new found salad and fruit habit, but maybe I don’t have to carry out all the heavy stuff if I can get an Amazon driver to drop it on my porch for me. Okay, tomorrow likely that six one one call and Comcast. And another handful of applications on Indeed, just swipe right.

Time to rest.