Or is it relapse day? Switch Vyvanse for Oxycodone for two days, and the pain seems dulled, as it is. Yet my tolerance for pain is increased. Half way through a ten pill supply and I think I could just relax in bed for another day before I go.
I can almost feel a bit of regret that I won’t be able I get more after this. For a long time this year, dulled pain seemed okay. Most days, some days I fought hard for something better, I worked and I pushed. Other days, I’d prepare for the work with a pill.. then just relax. Sometimes another pill to dull me a little more.
There are always a thousand reasons to stay in Jackson. Mostly a thousand people I haven’t said goodbye to yet. Ran into my youngest son’s Cub Scout leader today at the bank. They were shocked with my story, they hadn’t heard a thing about it and had asked about my boot.
There will never be enough time for the goodbyes. My clothes are packed, toiletries will be packed after I shower in the morning. Load these last few bags and drive away.
I’m exhausted and tired and I just took another pill. I asked for Percocet instead of oxycodone (same thing with some Tylenol added in) so I wouldn’t try to snort them. Tylenol burns if you snort it.
I used to tell my kids I learned things like that in books I read. Must of been a good book about a bad guy, because I read a story containing first hand experience in a lot of horrible situations.
I’m going to leave tomorrow. If tomorrow is the day that I die. It looks like it will be while trying to escape Jackson in the middle of a snowstorm. Okay cool.
Won’t be while sitting in the house snorting Tylenol, staying warm in my comfy chair smoking my comfy bowl in my pajamas for three months in another Michigan winter.
It will be time to take off in the morning.
Time to rest.
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